Dear Doctor
The only time I decided to reach out to my doctor was around my 40th birthday when I thought it had been ample time between my last pelvic exam to then. I was right. almost ten years to be exact because you know,...America and healthcare.
Anyway, I did finally get to see my doctor to explain to her the panic attacks I was facing almost on a daily as well as all the visual migraines, stress and rage I was feeling.
There is something I absolutely cannot stand and that is another woman disregarding another woman's health issues or pretending they do not exist. This is the exact issue with perimenopause. No one will discuss the true facts that it is literally a little mini menopause stepping stone. Fuck man, I wasn't even sure if I had cancer anymore since the night sweats were so bad and when I finally get the courage to see what is happening this doctor looked me square in the eye and told me I was too young to be thinking of menopause and that I was just depressed. When I replied that I was definitely not Just depressed she also told me that she could see I use humor to mask my pain. WTF is this bitch talking about?? It was like everything I was saying she was telling me did not exist and I was making up. I was livid and refused to even make a follow-up exam.
This behavior from doctors, especially ones that are established in your life and you can trust is bullshit. Downplaying someone's symptoms because they don't understand them doesn't mean they aren't happening and to just automatically assume someone is depressed without even taking blood is dangerous. What if I had believed that nonsense and went on later to find out something more serious was happening. Myself, I am a researcher so clearly, I was onto the idea my body was entering some new phase since I literally had been trying to get pregnant for three years with zero luck.
The real shit part of this story is I think if I had stood my ground and made that doctor listen to me I could have avoided a lot of perimenopausal issues I have been challenged with. I was discounted and felt less confident in my symptoms so I continued to blow them off for an additional 3 years before getting help. Really think about that last sentence. It was because of an irresponsible doctor's reaction to my physical and emotional issues that caused me not to seek a second opinion to even rule out cancer.
So here are some of my feelings on why women do not talk about the things I do.
I think women are feeling defeated enough most of the time. I catch myself complaining about some ailment almost daily and I am a pretty active person well tuned into their body.
Women feel like we have to be strong all the time even when we are falling apart inside.
Everyone has an opinion but no one has the answer.
If I asked friends about certain issues they all had lots of input about the health problems they faced especially with their uterus. It made me feel sad sometimes because at least I did get to experience childbirth twice and I should have been more grateful.
I was still sort of mourning the loss of my youthful eggs and had just started getting to know my 40-year-old body and dysfunctional old lady eggs so well. Soon the last would be gone and so would most of the sweating I hoped. No, I found I could have ten years of this as a lead up to menopause. My ride was really just arriving and I felt like we had been traveling together for a decade already. None the less this shitty passenger was pissing me off and I was going to punch the person that mentioned one more time that it was just depression.
Depression from hormones and depression from mental blocks are completely different. It is dangerous to assume they are the same.
I wasn't depressed for unknown reasons. I was depressed from lack of sleep, boob pain, a period every 24 days and ovulation pain monthly. I was told that was all normal and I was just producing symptoms of pain. None of that was true and if a doctor won't tell you that I will.
I find female doctors that discount their female patients to be the most disturbing. To sit there and be judged by a man is hard enough but your peers are supposed to support the hard times and lift each other up. Sisterhood! Yeah, whatever.
It felt like I was in High school gym comparing boob sizes again. I felt diminished and discounted by her and that led me to wait too long for a proper diagnosis. I would have to diagnose myself before any doctor mentioned the word perimenopause.
That is a big issue.
When I left her office tears running down my face I yelled to her " You're the issue with society lady! Not me!"
What women struggle with through perimenopause daily is unbelievable. Its the toughest I have ever had to be and the busiest I have ever been in my own mind.
If I am not tripping over my own negative thoughts I am run by irrational decisions and ideas about myself that can deepen my anxiety and depression.
Word to the wise doctors out there is to ease into the depression talk after you really listen to a patient. Sometimes big words associated with mental illness are a lot to digest and freak us out. Especially us that have been around depressed loved ones or lost people to suicide. It can be terrifying. When that word escaped her mouth all I saw my dead brother because for me depression was associated with suicidal actions. I was not ready to hear that term at all and still do not feel comfortable with it especially because we are going through hormonal shifts that make our minds foggy, we have a clear reason for the depression so let's get to the base and fix that not just tape things together with depression tape.
If anything maybe this experience serves the purpose of helping another lady out there be stronger than I was at my appointment and not let the doctor win.
I was too young to be feeling the way I was. I was confused angry and sad I had no one to turn to and even more confused than before I went to the doctor.
It was around this time I began questioning my own sanity and closing myself off to others for extended periods. Looking back sure it was depression but it would have been nice to hear why it was happening.
So here are some of my feelings on why women do not talk about the things I do.
I think women are feeling defeated enough most of the time. I catch myself complaining about some ailment almost daily and I am a pretty active person well tuned into their body.
Women feel like we have to be strong all the time even when we are falling apart inside.
Everyone has an opinion but no one has the answer.
If I asked friends about certain issues they all had lots of input about the health problems they faced especially with their uterus. It made me feel sad sometimes because at least I did get to experience childbirth twice and I should have been more grateful.
I was still sort of mourning the loss of my youthful eggs and had just started getting to know my 40-year-old body and dysfunctional old lady eggs so well. Soon the last would be gone and so would most of the sweating I hoped. No, I found I could have ten years of this as a lead up to menopause. My ride was really just arriving and I felt like we had been traveling together for a decade already. None the less this shitty passenger was pissing me off and I was going to punch the person that mentioned one more time that it was just depression.
Depression from hormones and depression from mental blocks are completely different. It is dangerous to assume they are the same.
I wasn't depressed for unknown reasons. I was depressed from lack of sleep, boob pain, a period every 24 days and ovulation pain monthly. I was told that was all normal and I was just producing symptoms of pain. None of that was true and if a doctor won't tell you that I will.
I find female doctors that discount their female patients to be the most disturbing. To sit there and be judged by a man is hard enough but your peers are supposed to support the hard times and lift each other up. Sisterhood! Yeah, whatever.
It felt like I was in High school gym comparing boob sizes again. I felt diminished and discounted by her and that led me to wait too long for a proper diagnosis. I would have to diagnose myself before any doctor mentioned the word perimenopause.
That is a big issue.
When I left her office tears running down my face I yelled to her " You're the issue with society lady! Not me!"
I am fairly certain this outburst did nothing for my case but it had to be said.
It really only harmed myself that day because she was not affected and I continued to wait too long to get help ultimately making me feel like I was losing my mind and having a nervous breakdown.
It really only harmed myself that day because she was not affected and I continued to wait too long to get help ultimately making me feel like I was losing my mind and having a nervous breakdown.
What women struggle with through perimenopause daily is unbelievable. Its the toughest I have ever had to be and the busiest I have ever been in my own mind.
If I am not tripping over my own negative thoughts I am run by irrational decisions and ideas about myself that can deepen my anxiety and depression.
Word to the wise doctors out there is to ease into the depression talk after you really listen to a patient. Sometimes big words associated with mental illness are a lot to digest and freak us out. Especially us that have been around depressed loved ones or lost people to suicide. It can be terrifying. When that word escaped her mouth all I saw my dead brother because for me depression was associated with suicidal actions. I was not ready to hear that term at all and still do not feel comfortable with it especially because we are going through hormonal shifts that make our minds foggy, we have a clear reason for the depression so let's get to the base and fix that not just tape things together with depression tape.
If anything maybe this experience serves the purpose of helping another lady out there be stronger than I was at my appointment and not let the doctor win.
I was too young to be feeling the way I was. I was confused angry and sad I had no one to turn to and even more confused than before I went to the doctor.
It was around this time I began questioning my own sanity and closing myself off to others for extended periods. Looking back sure it was depression but it would have been nice to hear why it was happening.
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